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Post by Sokar468 on Mar 20, 2003 15:59:55 GMT -5
Nothing pisses me off more when you want to develop a friendship with someone, the other person seems to want to as well, but never actually reciprocates.
Then the "friend" can't understand why you get mad when every attempt you've made to develop the friendship never "works out." "Oh, all the cancelled plans? Those were unintentional, I swear." Yeah, right. Stop playing games with me: if you don't want to be friends, then TELL ME UP FRONT. Enough of this game bullshit.
Then the person gets mad at you for getting mad at him/her. The person thinks you are over-reacting and accusing him/her of being some kind of bad guy. You try to explain the situation: "I don't think you are a bad person, you just haven't proven to me that I can trust you as a friend."
"You can trust me as a friend."
"Ok, I will believe that for now, but do you want to trust me as your friend?"
"Of course I trust you as a friend."
"Then prove it to me!"
Etc., etc.
Now I wonder if this potential "friendship" is even worth salvaging. Friendships are not a one-way street. Argh. This is what I'm going through right now, and it's really getting me down, because I think I really like this person as a friend; but is it worth all this?
Note: This is not even a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
If you have made it this far, thanks for reading this and listening.
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Post by Ghosty on Mar 20, 2003 16:46:55 GMT -5
I don't think he appreciated getting a reply of utter stupidity and insensitivity toward what the thread is about.
I think its a girl and ya, it has happened to me too but we resolved.
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Post by Charles Stover on Mar 20, 2003 17:44:39 GMT -5
The same goes for you too.
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Post by DioDaCool on Mar 20, 2003 20:19:49 GMT -5
Well.....this guy sounds a bit like me......a bit shy.....it takes me weeks to make a good friend.........people like that are very unresponsive to acquitances.....they dont make many friends.............henceforth, people like me have few friends........
give it some time....
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Post by Sokar468 on Mar 20, 2003 22:34:06 GMT -5
Looks like some mod intervention occurred: Thanks for clearing things up. And yes, I was hoping some mature people would reply here, I'm not exactly in the best of moods--you bitches. Well.....this guy sounds a bit like me......a bit shy.....it takes me weeks to make a good friend.........people like that are very unresponsive to acquitances.....they dont make many friends.............henceforth, people like me have few friends........ give it some time.... I don't understand what you are saying here. |
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Post by Sektor on Mar 22, 2003 1:11:50 GMT -5
I know how you feel Sokar, I have that issue with some of my friends. I stopped trusting people with my secrets/passwords/etc since i think 6th grade and since then, I never tell them anything. Although they entrust me with their secrets, I never give them one of mine... Is that a bad thing on my part? Personally, I don't think you need that much trust to sustain a friendship, you can see that with my previous statement. If this is a friend you still care about, then of course it's worth all that.
Sokar, about that cancelling plan's thing... That can mean two things. (1) They truly can't do crap (I broke my leg a few years back and the next 6 months my leg was still bugging me and i couldn't do much, some friends took it the wrong way). Or (2) Basically what you said. I remember in 6th grade, my friend called me to tell me he supposdly had 'plans' and had to cancel with me when, I heard in the background, him telling his mom he didn't want to do anything with me. That obviously was a lie and since then, my friendship with him is over. Try to get other sources... Example, if your friend is part of a group of friends of yours, then ask your other friends what he/she was up to when he/she cancelled plans. That way you will know the truth.
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Post by Sokar468 on Mar 22, 2003 11:41:08 GMT -5
I know how you feel Sokar, I have that issue with some of my friends. I stopped trusting people with my secrets/passwords/etc since i think 6th grade and since then, I never tell them anything. Although they entrust me with their secrets, I never give them one of mine... Is that a bad thing on my part? Personally, I don't think you need that much trust to sustain a friendship, you can see that with my previous statement. If this is a friend you still care about, then of course it's worth all that. Sokar, about that cancelling plan's thing... That can mean two things. (1) They truly can't do crap (I broke my leg a few years back and the next 6 months my leg was still bugging me and i couldn't do much, some friends took it the wrong way). Or (2) Basically what you said. I remember in 6th grade, my friend called me to tell me he supposdly had 'plans' and had to cancel with me when, I heard in the background, him telling his mom he didn't want to do anything with me. That obviously was a lie and since then, my friendship with him is over. Try to get other sources... Example, if your friend is part of a group of friends of yours, then ask your other friends what he/she was up to when he/she cancelled plans. That way you will know the truth. Thanks, Sektor. Unfortunately, this isn't really a developed friendship, yet; I'm working on it. Therefore, I can't really consult friends to provide a third point of view for me. Also, I know this person doesn't have a health issue that results in cancelled plans. I think I will have to confront this issue face-to-face. I go back to school tomorrow, I will handle it then.  Thanks for listening. |
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rain
Experienced Knight
RPG Race: Archer
Posts: 397
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Post by rain on Mar 23, 2003 21:10:01 GMT -5
over a period of self-evaluation...i've uncovered the truth i was never able to admit...i think i always knew it existed...but i was very ignorant of it
i've found out that i have a very low self-esteem...i'm overly self-concious...
i've always mentioned that i'm very easily depressed...i'm just the gray sky kind of person...but i failed to realize that all of my troubles and despair doesn't come from outside sources..but comes from my own faults and weaknesses
some of you might find what i'm saying surprising...some of you might have already seen through it
i have trouble making friends outside of sports...or games...i made my friends by inviting, or being invited to a game of basketball...video games...or wut have you...but i never dared approach someone and ask them to be my friend...
because i have a tendency to be aggresive...or overly self-defensive...they say something...i take it negatively somehow...and i blurt something back that hurts them...and from that moment on i'm labeled as either rude or unfriendly...
i've a tendency to seclude myself too...like eating lunch at school...my friends hang around me and we go get lunch...then suddenly i feel overcrowded and decide to go someplace and eat by myself...if one or two of them follow me i'm alrite...but if two or more people follow me there i would dodge away and go into the library or something
i wonder what's wrong with me...
-Rain
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Post by Sektor on Mar 26, 2003 20:08:19 GMT -5
Hmm... Is it a possibility that you're costrophoebic? That's when people usually dont like small and/or crouded areas. As for friends... My only suggestion is to be a little loose, a lot of people joke around (even if it insults you a bit) you should let it slide the first few times and just say something like "yeah yeah whatever". I know it may be uncomfortable, but it works. If they continue to piss you off though, then maybe they simply arent the friends you're looking for
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Post by Seifer_Almasy on Mar 28, 2003 7:47:04 GMT -5
I think it's claustrophobic ... 
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Satoshi
Master Swordsman
Choking the Chicken
Posts: 783
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Post by Satoshi on Mar 29, 2003 19:47:52 GMT -5
over a period of self-evaluation...i've uncovered the truth i was never able to admit...i think i always knew it existed...but i was very ignorant of it i've found out that i have a very low self-esteem...i'm overly self-concious... i've always mentioned that i'm very easily depressed...i'm just the gray sky kind of person...but i failed to realize that all of my troubles and despair doesn't come from outside sources..but comes from my own faults and weaknesses some of you might find what i'm saying surprising...some of you might have already seen through it i have trouble making friends outside of sports...or games...i made my friends by inviting, or being invited to a game of basketball...video games...or wut have you...but i never dared approach someone and ask them to be my friend... because i have a tendency to be aggresive...or overly self-defensive...they say something...i take it negatively somehow...and i blurt something back that hurts them...and from that moment on i'm labeled as either rude or unfriendly... i've a tendency to seclude myself too...like eating lunch at school...my friends hang around me and we go get lunch...then suddenly i feel overcrowded and decide to go someplace and eat by myself...if one or two of them follow me i'm alrite...but if two or more people follow me there i would dodge away and go into the library or something i wonder what's wrong with me... -Rain I know that feeling too. I have a hard time making friends. Usually, whenever they approach me, I just feel intimidated. Sometimes, I take whatever things they say to me and I also become defensive. I sometimes want to go to somewhere else to eat lunch alone. It's rather strange really. But... anyway... it's okay Rain. I'll sure you'll find a solution.... |
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Post by Sokar468 on Apr 4, 2003 18:49:46 GMT -5
I know that feeling too. I have a hard time making friends. Usually, whenever they approach me, I just feel intimidated. Sometimes, I take whatever things they say to me and I also become defensive. I sometimes want to go to somewhere else to eat lunch alone. It's rather strange really. But... anyway... it's okay Rain. I'll sure you'll find a solution.... It's not a matter of finding a solution, because there isn't a problem. Having particular anxiety during certain social situations is not abnormal, nor should anyone xonsider themselves unusual. Media-influenced society has poisoned American minds, making us think that popularity, being outgoing, and partying are superior on the social ladder. However, it is all a lie, and you would be surprised to know how many people out there are just as uncomfortable as you. Don't think you need to solve your "problems"; everyone is socially configured differently. Do what you are comfortable with--if you feel more comfortable with a few select friends, then that is fine. No one said you had to be friends with everyone. If you find it difficult to make new friends, do not worry. Keep an open mind, don't dismiss anyone, because some of the people you'd least expect to like can end up being your friends. Don't feel compelled to have to be friends with people you don't necessarily feel comfortable with, and don't feel like you have to impress people. Also, consider talking to a therapist. Sometimes, your nervousness is amplified by a chemical inbalance in your brain. All you need to do is take a medication, and your anxiety can be alleviated. Do not be ashamed of taking social anxiety medications--nobody has to know, and more people than you think could use them. The biggest mistake: lots of people could benefit from them, but they are too ashamed to use them, so their discomfort is never alleviated. I am on Zoloft, an anti-depressant medication, and I am very comfortable with that. PM me if you have any questions or want to discuss this in private. |
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Thanks Oldy!
