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Post by Gustave on Oct 11, 2003 8:25:51 GMT -5
One day at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter was taking in new arrivals as usual. "Next!" After saying this, a taxi driver walked nervously up to St. Peter. St. Peter just laughed, and told of the huge mansion the taxi driver would be recieving. The taxi driver was amazed, but, after all, this was heaven, and it probably wasn't a scam. So the taxi driver went to his mansion. "Next!" This time, a priest walked up. He has overheard the last conversation, and was excited. If a taxi driver got rewarded a mansion in heaven, he was finally about to get his due. St. Peter just laughed, and told him about the nice cozy trailer he would living in for the rest of his life. "But, St. Peter, that's not fair! I served God for my entire life, and i get a trailer? How come that taxi driver gets a mansion!?" St. Peter, annoyed at being questioned, decided to answer. "Look. When you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."
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Post by Ghosty on Oct 11, 2003 11:54:47 GMT -5
Hope none of you are opposed to some dumb blond jokes... So two blonde's walk into a building and... well you think ONE of them would've noticed... no, really, lol, here's a classic: There's a blond, a brunnette, and a redhead, and they're hiding out at a farmer's farm for the night because they're hitchhiking across the country and don't have a place to sleep. So they figure they'll just stop by in the big ol' barn. Suddenly one of them (yeah the blond) trips on a... pitchfork or something and it goes like in the cartoons where it smacks her and makes a lot of noise. They see the farmer go out with a pitchfork toward the barn. The brunete jumps in a cow stall, the redhead in a pigsty, and the blond goes into a potato sack. When the farmer goes over to the cow stall, the brunette goes "moo, moo" and the farmer is appeased and moves on to the pig pen, where the redhead goes "oink oink". Satisfied that nothings wrong, the farmer walks over to the potato sacks where the blond chirps "potato, potato!" ;D ;D
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Post by Jaggy on Oct 11, 2003 13:15:31 GMT -5
Ok, how did a picture thread turn into a jokes thread?
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Post by Dark on Oct 11, 2003 13:37:15 GMT -5
[glow=ruby,2,300]I dunno, you can stiil post a pic but now you have to tell a joke like this one:
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
hehehe....I got it of the internet but oh well.... ;D [/glow]
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Post by Gustave on Oct 11, 2003 18:24:28 GMT -5
Haha, that's great. He's one of my favorites
Most of you probably don't believe in fairy tales, but in the mountains, there is a small group of people named the Trids. Don't misunderstand, there are thousands, but they all stand about 12 inches high. They go about on their jobs every day, and have a society very similar to our own. There is only one difference. On a mountain not so far away, there lives a great Giant. He stomps around and pounds all day, and the Trids all get migraines whenever the great Giant is awake. One day, they decided it needed to change. The Town Council decided to send 3 of the city's bravest men over to the great Giant and ask him to stop. They got ready, made the hike, and came to the great Giant. He kicked em right off his mountain. Moments later, they were flying through the air, crashing right smack dab into the Town Council meeting. The elders were confused. If their bravest men couldn't do it, maybe they needed to try something else. They arranged for 3 of the youth to make the hike. They got ready, marched off, and faced the Giant. He kicked em right off his mountain. They flew all the way back to town, and this time the elders were angry. Even the Giant should be ashamed to kick children! The Elders chose between themselves 3 of the wisest Trids in the land. They slowly crawled over to the Giant's Mountain. They were older, this took considerably a longer time. But when they got there, they got kicked too. They flew through the air, back into town. They were appalled. Luckily, a rabbi was visiting the town. Not just any rabbi, a human rabbi. One of us! He arranged to make the trip to see if he could talk some sense into the Giant. He walked over and asked. "Giant, stop stomping around, and don't kick the Trids!" "Ok." The Rabbi was confused, but turned around. He went back, and explained his story. It proved true. The stomping stopped, and the Trids were overjoyed. The rabbi was still confused though. He went back to the Giant to figure out what had happened. "Mr Giant, sir?" "Yes?" The Rabbi started to sweat. This was the moment. "How come you never kicked me off the mountain?" The Giant laughed a hearty laugh. "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
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Mr_Beardsly
Experienced Knight
RPG Race: Archer
Posts: 598
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Post by Mr_Beardsly on Oct 11, 2003 19:08:48 GMT -5
:-[LOLZ!!!11 ROOFLE! Hmm lets see.... ah yes It was the height of the French Revolution. The Revolutionaries had captured a count and had began saying that if he didn't tell them where the other Aristocrats were they'd chop off his head. This went on for months but the count never gave in. Finally, they said "we warned you, now its time to chop off your head!". They put him under the guillotine, but as the blade came down he said "No wait! I'll tell you!", but it was to late and his head came off. and you know what the moral of the story is? Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken! I've got a million ones just like that.
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Post by Ghosty on Oct 11, 2003 21:23:34 GMT -5
Here's another dumb blond joke a friend told me (sorry.. he knew a LOT of dumb blond jokes, and they're a lot nicer than rascist jokes , which he also knows): So there's a blond, a brunette, and a redhead that got stuck on an island right? (right!) Well they somehow find a magic bottle and one of them (not the blond btw) gets a brilliant idea and decides to rub it to search for a genie. So a magic wishing genie pops up and gives them each three wishes. The brunnette asks for a boat and gets the boat and uses the big motor to send her to shore. The redhead wishes for a plane and flies back to land. The blond thinks hard to herself and says "Hmmm... I'm lonely on this deserted island": I wish for my friends back to keep me company.
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rekawamo
Rookie Soldier
RPG Race: Archer
Posts: 115
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Post by rekawamo on Oct 11, 2003 21:54:09 GMT -5
OMG!!111one!!11 Teh 1337 and n00b poser!!11one11!!! ROFFLES w/ WOFFLES!!11one!!
Okay, time for a very lengthly joke.
Dere were tree guys finishing da noo building dat da C&C proposed. Da firs guy was Japanee, da second Hawaiian, and the tird was Portagee.
So it was lunch break on da top of da building. DA Japanee guy wen open his lunch and go say, "Hey, no be spam musubi again! If my wife packs dis again, I'm goin' trow myself off dis building, bra!"
So da Hawaiian guy wen open his lunch an say, "Hey! No get Kalua Pig rice again. I'm tired of Kalua Pig rice. If I get dis tomorrow, I go jump of da building!"
Den da Portagee wen open his luch and go say, "Not portagee bean soup one mo' time! I get dis tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off dis building!"
Da nex day they all got da same lunch and they all go jumped off da building.
Tree weeks later at the funeral, da priest wen ask the wife of da Japanee guy why he wen kill himself.
Da wife was crying wen she go say, "Iono if he wanted something diffrent. I woulda made Okazu or someting. I tot he liked spam musubi." And den the wife wen cry even louder.
The Hawaiian guy's wife said, "Yeah, me too. How I supposed to know if he wants someting else? I coud've made some Lomi Samon." Den the Hawaiian wife started to cry.
So da priest wen over to da portagee lady. She was laughing out loud. The priesnt maybe wen think she was hysterical or someting. But da Portagee wife wen say, "Dat stupid idiot! He wen pack hiso own lunch!"
To our English speaking readers:
There were three men finishing the new building that the C&C proposed. the first man was Japanese, the second Hawaiian, and the third was Portagee.
So it was lunch break on top of the building. The Japanese guy opened his lunch and said, "Hey, I got a spam musubi again! If my wife packs this again, I'm gonna throw myself off this building, alright!"
So the Hawaiian guy opens his lunch and said, "Hey! Not Kalua Pig and rice again. I'm tired of Kalua Pig and rice. If I get this tomorrow, I gonn jump off this building too!"
Then the Portagee opened his lunch and said, "Not portagee bean soup one more time! I get this tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off this building!"
The next day they all got the same lunch and they all jumped off the building.
Three weeks later at the funeral, the priest asked the wife of the Japanee guy why he killed himself.
The wife was crying wen she said, "I don't no if he wanted something diffrent. I woulda made Okazu or someting. I thought he liked spam musubi." And then the wife cried even louder.
The Hawaiian guy's wife said, "Yeah, me too. How I supposed to know if he wants someting else? I coud've made some Lomi Salmon." Then the Hawaiian wife started to cry.
So the priest went over to the portagee lady. She was laughing out loud. The priest maybe thought she was hysterical or something. But the Portagee wife said, "That stupid idiot! He packs his own lunch!"
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Post by Ghosty on Oct 11, 2003 22:04:32 GMT -5
Okie!! a NON-DUMB-BLOND-JOKE!! ;D So there's 3 guys right? (right!), and then so they go to this place (I forgot what it was.. coudl've been an ordeal in hell, or a magic amusement park or soemthing... but whatever.) and a small old man appears and tells them that under NO circumstances can they step on the frogs, otherwise something TERRIBLE will happen to them. So they look around and there's frogs leaping and hopping all over the place. So they're moving along and eventually one of them of course steps on a frog, and POOF, a super ugly fat ho appears chained to him. After a few more hours the second one of them steps on a frog and POOF, again, a REALLY super ugly fat ho appears chained to him. After a while, the third guy suddenly hears a POOF and a beautiful lady appears chained to his wrist and the old man appears. He asks the old man what happened and he said "SHE stepped on a frog." ... sorry, i think i told it wrong... its not too funny... well here's a dumb blond joke to make this post a little bit more funny: So there's 2 dumb blonds and a redhead sitting on a deserted island. They find another bottle with a genie in it and rub it. The genie pops out and gives them 3 wishes. The first dumb blond asks for a rowing boat and rows back to the big city across the water. The second dumb blond asks for a life raft, and hops out and rows that too back to the mainland. The redhead asks for a billion dollars and hops into her car and drives down the bridge to the mainland. ;D ;D
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Post by Sektor on Oct 11, 2003 22:32:57 GMT -5
The Easter Bunny, A smart Blonde, and the toothfairy were all standing on a bridge. When they jump, who will land first?
None, they're all imaginary
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Post by Ghosty on Oct 11, 2003 22:40:34 GMT -5
One more dumb blond joke... this is my last, i swear it ;D... : So there's a blond, a brunette, and a redhead searching around some island when one of them finds a magic Mirror. The mirror talks to them and says I will grant you a wish if you tell me a truth, it can be anything, as long as its true. OR ELSE (dun dun DUN!) So the brunette goes up, and says "I think... that my hair is brown." which it is, so then she is able to go and make her wish for a million bars of gold. The redhead walks up to the mirror and says "I think... that I'm wearing a green pair of shorts." Which she is, so she is able to make her wish for... um... a perfect husband to live with and marry blah blah. the point is really what the blond does, noone cares about the redhead anymore... So the dumb blonde (just in case there are any smart blonds out there ;D j/k, j/k!! dont hurt me!) goes up to the mirror and says "I think..." and POOF! she's gone
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Post by Sektor on Oct 12, 2003 9:40:13 GMT -5
That one was pretty harsh . Here's another one:
This guy is sitting outside on his lawn when he sees his blonde neighbor walk outside and check her mailbox. With a confused look on her face, she walks back inside. Five minutes later, the blonde walks outside again to check her mailbox. Seeing that there is nothing in it, she walks back inside her house. Another five minutes later, the blonde comes back outside to check her mailbox. After watching the blonde check her mailbox 3 times in a row, the guy is pretty curious. When she starts to walk back inside again, he asks, "What are you doing?" She says, "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail."
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Post by Gustave on Oct 12, 2003 11:41:44 GMT -5
A man is at Target, trying to find a birthday present for his wife, who i should mention is a dumb blonde. After lots of searching, he decides on a cell phone. He gives it to her, and she is delighted. She carries it with her everywhere. The man decides to see how she enjoys her new present, and calls her. "Hello?" "Hey, i was just calling to see how you like your new cell phone!" "It's great, i just have one question." "What's that?" "How'd you know i was at Wal-Mart?"
Here's a universally understood joke, in an international survey it was rated funniest of all. There are two hunters in the woods. They are each doing very well that day. One of the men gets ready to go home, but decides to stay for one more shot. He accidentally hits the other hunter. Frantically, he runs out of the woods, looking for a hospital, or some sign of civilization. He finds a payphone, and calls 911. "Help! There was an accident, in the woods!" "OK, you need to stay calm. Is he dead?" "Yeah, i think so, I accidentally shot him!" "Well, i need you to make sure he's dead." "Ok, i'll be right back." The Doctor, listening to the payphone, hears a loud BANG. "Ok, what's next?"
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Post by Dark on Oct 12, 2003 16:57:55 GMT -5
[glow=ruby,2,300]1. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? (You have to hollow out the head.) 2. Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists? (They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.) 3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? (It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.) 4. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? (They drowned during Spring Training.) 5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? (To see what was on the other side.) 6. How did the blonde die drinking milk? (The cow stepped on her.) 7. How did the blonde burn her nose? (Bobbing for French fries.) 8. Why do blondes have more fun? (They're easier to amuse.) 9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? (Frosted flakes.) 10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? (They keep breaking them with their hammers. 11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air? (She missed.) 12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear? (Data transfer.) 13. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? (She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.) 14. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? (She needed them for the darkroom she was building.) 15. Why are Asians so smart? (No blondes.) 16. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? (You get to park in the Handicapped Zone)
Hehehe..... ;D [/glow]
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Post by TreasureFinder on Oct 12, 2003 19:50:57 GMT -5
Okay, I got one, but youy may have already heard it.
Bear and Turtle were in the woods one day, and they came upon a magic lamp. They rubbed it and a genie popped out. He said he'd grant each other three wishes. Now, Bear was a pretty rude and brusque animal, so he told turtle he'd go first. Bear thought, and wished that he was the hottest male bear in the woods. POOF! Now, it was turtle's turn. He wished for a helmet. POOF! Bear scoffed, and said, "What a stupid wish! Turtle, you're a simpleton!" Now, Bear thought and thought, and he wished that he was the only male bear in the entire world, (he had already thought of his next wish). POOF! Turtle then wished for a motor scooter. POOF!"What a dumb wish! Turtle, you're such a narrow minded retard!" Without hesitation, Bear wished that all the female bears were attracted to him. POOF! Turtle took his time putting on his helmet, and slowly got onto his motorbike. Bear told him to hurry it up, because he wanted to know what asanine wish Tutle would ask for next. Just before Turtle took off, he turned and said to Bear, "I wish you were gay." POOF!
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